Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
