I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize