so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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