I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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