Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
