I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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