Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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