He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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