The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
