Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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