I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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