Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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