She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
