I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize