K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
