When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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