My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
