dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
