Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
