I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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