A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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