he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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