Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
