What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
