what day is it and did you see me today?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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