please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
