why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
