and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
