As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
