I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
