...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
