im about as happy as oj after his trial
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
