No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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