he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
