I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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