So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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