I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
