she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's blow job season.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
