FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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