Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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