What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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