After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
