ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
