I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
