Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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