dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
