well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
