why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
