Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
