there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
