Kiss
Puke
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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