suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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