You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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