Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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