So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
