I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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