Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
