now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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