Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
