You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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