so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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