I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize