i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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