Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
