super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
