Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
