He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
