Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize