I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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