Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
