just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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