too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
